A dinner party could change everything.
There’s a lot you can control in this world. There’s a lot you can’t.
Focus on what you can, and the rest will take care of itself.
“The success of the dinner depends as much upon the company as the cook. Discordant elements – people invited alphabetically, or to pay off debts – are fatal.”
–Ward McAllister
The term networking sends shivers up my spine. I cringe when I think of networking events where people pass out business cards like Halloween candy and anxiously look around the room to see who’s there. Conversations seem forced, and I end up answering the same routine questions throughout the evening. Network sounds anything but personal, human, warm, or meaningful to me.
So let’s call a spade a spade. Networking is really the practice of meeting people. As with any practice, you get better at it the more you do it. Some people have a natural talent for it; others require a bit more effort.
When I first started organizing dinners, I often faced a common question:
“Why should I attend a dinner with strangers when I barely have time to see my friends / colleagues / spouse / Aunt Betty?”
For those of you who don’t have the luxury of pondering the benefits of human interaction, I’m happy to provide a few reasons why meeting new people is good for you, your business, and your future.
1. Variety. The spice of life. By placing yourself in new situations, you’re able to meet different kinds of people, expand your circle, and broaden your knowledge of yourself and the world around you.
2. Business. Networking can yield a higher probability of referral-based business. If your sink is broken, would you rather hire a friend’s friend or a random name out of a search directory? Establishing personal relationships with those who can recommend your services is invaluable.
3. Opportunities. New gigs, client leads, partnerships, mentors, job opportunities. The options available to you are yours for the taking. Obviously, you’ll want to make sure you strategically choose which routes to pursue based upon your own needs and values; it’s just a matter of saying “Yes, please.”
4. Connections. Let’s be honest: it really is who you know. If a position opens or a consultant is needed, the names that go into the hat are ones that can be vouched for. You don’t need me to tell you how many success stories have started with “I know a guy…”
5. Self-growth and development. It takes guts to put yourself in new situations and strike up conversations. It’s easy to be around the same people and talk about the same things. Be different. You never know what you’ll learn. If you’re willing to put yourself out there, you may find yourself with a group of people who can hold you accountable as you reach your goals.
6. Friends. Companionship, someone to show you new places, tell you about the latest fundraiser. No man is an island. I’m of the belief that our needs change throughout our life span, and different people can answer different needs at different times. For that reason, you can never have too many friends.
7. Communication. Introductions force you to analyze and succinctly communicate who you are and what you do. Meeting strangers can help you polish your image and get clear about what you want and the things you enjoy. Not sure? Notice the types of people you’re drawn to. The conversations you most enjoy can tell you a lot about yourself if you’re willing to look.
8. Encouragement. Most people want you to succeed. Sometimes, it’s easier to present struggles to people who are “less invested” in your world. Add more folks to cheer in your corner. Strangers can yield surprisingly positive results.
9. Excitement. If you’ve been to a really good party, you know. It’s fun, and you want more. If you haven’t found yourself in this kind of situation, look for it.
Practice meeting people when and where you can.
“The more you practice, the more you can, the more you want to, the more you enjoy it, the less it tires you.” —Robert A. Heinlein
I say this phrase often, and most of the time people don’t know what I’m talking about. I think of life as a set up.
Why? You can either set yourself up for success or failure.
Think about it: from the people you’re with to the clothes you wear to the books you read to the ways you spend your after hours, you are making choices. I’ll say it again. You are making choices that directly impact your happiness and chance at success. Daily.
I know it can suck to hear this. And I also know that yes, life can throw curveballs and things that exist beyond our control. Accidents happen. But generally speaking…
The reason you’re lonely isn’t their fault.
The people who are happy aren’t just lucky.
The successful people on top don’t just end up there.
It’s a result of painstakingly HARD WORK.
The choices aren’t always easy ones, and I won’t lie and tell you there won’t be days you feel like quitting.
Make an effort. Put yourself in situations to gain the experience you need. Surround yourself with people who can elevate, encourage, and inspire you. Identify what you need to get where you want to go, and make it happen.
Set yourself up for the life you want.
A challenge:
The next time you’re at a party or social gathering, abolish “What do you do?” from your vernacular.
You will most likely find out sooner or later what someone does. There are a gazillion things you can talk about without having to ask how an individual pays bills, and the probability that the “9-5” isn’t really what gets that person going is high. Isn’t it more interesting to talk about passion?
Topics you can discuss when meeting someone for the first time:
note: On occasion, you will meet an individual who has successfully managed to blend passion and work. Hang around this person, ask them lots of questions, and ask them to introduce you to others.
Too often, we get caught up in the finished product before we even begin. We think about what it is going to look like, how it will be received, what people will say. We create an idea of “perfect” and scare ourselves away from starting.
Along the way, we were taught to color inside of the lines and cut straight across the dotted pattern. Imperfections and mistakes don’t add value. Uniqueness is risky, and we want to make sure our efforts are worth our time.
It doesn’t matter what it looks like when you start. In fact, intentionally screw something up. Start with the crudest iteration you can think of.
Something is better than nothing, especially when you’ve gotten in your own way.
The people around you have a direct impact on your vision, your drive, your goals, your performance, and the way you dream. Their passion can inspire you to reach for more, or their apathy can dissuade you from continuing progress.
If you recognize the importance of carefully choosing friends, consider the responsibility when identifying leaders, company mastheads, presidents.
