Project Exponential

Process

A dinner party could change everything.

  • Steal skills from another industry

    There are certain tools that are transferable, regardless of industry or job title.

    Step inside Tiffany’s. You’ll see plenty of couples and women roaming around. Inch closer to the diamond cases and eavesdrop. You won’t hear any hard selling from the staff. The product speaks for itself. If you’ve come to Tiffany’s, you want the name on your finger.

    The good sales people say very little. When they do speak, they repeat what information the customer has already provided, using empathy to build rapport with the shopper. Active listening, reframing, and reflecting statements make clients and buyers feel heard, acknowledged, respected.

    What is this? Motivational interviewing. The same techniques you might find in a group therapy session, the same phrasing and tools a substance abuse counselor might use with her client, are being channeled onto the sales floor:

    • Pointing out a couples’ ring selection might not mirror their commitment to each other — creating discrepancy
    • Accepting a customer’s reluctance as momentum to move conversation onward — rolling with resistance
    • Supporting the buyer, giving them confidence about their purchasing decision — supporting self efficacy

    And questions. Lots of questions. Open ended, asking for permission — questions that help the seller gather information about the buyer and their buying needs, their spending patterns, helping identify the likelihood of the sale.

    “Can we look at the princess cut?” “What does that design remind you of?” “Do you mind if we step over to this case to look at our signature bands?”

    What could you borrow from a different industry? Could you lend skills to someone in another field?

  • Universal worry: “Am I good enough?”

    “Do I belong in this group?”

    “Does what I have to say matter?”

    “Are my ideas valuable?”

    These are questions that have plagued the most brave, the most confident, the most successful among us. At some point in time, most people have had these thoughts.

    The difference lies in the answer.

    Successful people know how to convince themselves “YES!”

    And even if they don’t believe it, they pretend anyway.

  • We are quick to write people off.

    And why shouldn’t we?

    Time is precious, our attention span is short, and we’re used to getting the information we need quickly. We skim recipes, comb through headlines, and bullet point information streams for what’s relevant. Menus, lists, choices, options, instructions, waivers, forms, classes, listings, fees—

    It seems only natural we do the same with people.

    We look to titles, degrees, labels, honors, boastings, pedigrees, and recommendations to help us learn if what we need is there. We scan resumes (lists! recipes!) to determine if a certain individual can offer us solutions to our problems.

    But the things that really matter, the threads that unite us and draw us together, aren’t so easily accessed. What is truly valuable to us is often beneath the surface.

    Warning label: digging and scratching and prodding and questioning required.

  • What brings people together?

    The x-factor, hormones, shared experiences, common struggles, learned skills, common hobbies, unique endeavors, a certain look…

    Both online and off, what is that magnetic pull that creates curiosity from one person to another? What’s that secret sauce that drives some people to test limits, push boundaries, and draw their own road maps to living?

    Think of personal trainers. There are trainers, the ones that tell you what to do and what exercise is next, maybe will even count the number of times you perform an exercise. But then there are trainers, the types of people you want to pay just to be around them. Trainers who keep you returning, when, after the initial lure of physical fitness has ended, you want to continue to grow and learn and be in their company. Something inside of you wants to make them proud.

    There’s the shop owner. His store is an extra walk or a longer drive, but because of his smile, the way he completes your transaction, the way he waves at you when you leave, you take extra time out of your day to visit him. You want to support his business. You want to watch him succeed.

    A contagious laugh. A beaming smile. Inspiring stories that have no end. Challenges that have been overcome.

    What defines the type of person you like to be around?

    In a world in which our lives grow increasingly intertwined, the time and space for us to cultivate meaningful personal relationships has become encroached upon. Superficial connections are quickly, easily made, so authentic relationships — ones that are valuable and mutually shared — have become scare.

    How can we find and establish them if we’re chained to the immediate fix? Email alerts, the need to be in the know, the reward centers of our brains that light up by positive feedback, sudden jolts of praise that mask our insecurities.

    Yet these insecurities, the precise vulnerabilities that make us human, make us appealing to others, we mask. Whether it’s fear or loneliness or the need for protection, we create boundaries to hide them. And we do it well. These boundaries manifest online, affect our daily interactions, and prohibit us from taking that extra step, form new connections, generate new ideas.

    Do you create incubators within your life for connection? Do you seek out people who are successful? Or do you passively wait for them to come to you?