Instead of wasting time and energy wanting what someone else has…
Why not create it for yourself?
Process
A dinner party could change everything.
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Don’t cheat yourself
Throughout my work, I’ve looked for ways to help professionals find their edge. I enjoy creating opportunities for people to connect, and I like disrupting things. I carefully consider the talents, skills, and work of individuals to see how strangers might enter a room and leave as friends. I ask questions with the intent of changing the way someone considers another, helping people talk about challenges they might be afraid to admit. I like watching industries share ideas in ways they hadn’t before imagined. I call it curated networking, and no two experiences are alike.
The point is, I’m looking to change people’s lives through relationships. We’ve somehow arrived at the juncture where we avoid connection. We guard carefully against who we allow into our circles. We avoid eye contact walking down the street. We limit the time we devote to leisurely interact with others. Some even argue our ability to make new friends after a certain age. We fear strangers and write them off for having no value to our busy lives. We’ll connect — if it’s easy and convenient and there’s an easy out.
However you do it, refuse to be complacent. You can find a connected, outside observer who has a fresh perspective and can introduce you to personalities you might not otherwise meet. You can set goals to meet fellow travelers and instigators who will push you to find that next level. You can promise yourself that you’ll place yourself in new situations, demanding more out of your life and others than what the people around you expect of themselves.
Find people who can challenge you, make you uncomfortable, surprise you, inspire you. Find others who share your same belief in greater work, greater conversation, deeper meaning. Put yourself in situations to remind yourself of the power of serendipity. There are people out there waiting to meet you. Don’t cheat them by holding yourself back. Don’t cheat yourself.
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Someone is watching
Somebody is always watching. You might not think it, but your actions are noticed.
The things you do and the way you speak influence others.
Others influence you just as easily.
Who do you watch?
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Who are you looking for?
There are lots of people in this world, and most of us want to connect. We visit bars, churches, gyms, groups, conferences, events, concerts, and parties hoping to meet someone who might send our world into a tailspin and infuse our life with new meaning.
We look for ways to deepen our existing relationships and simultaneously want to expand our network, expose ourselves to new options, and find different ways of doing things. We want to become better.
As business professionals, we attend seminars hoping to interact with someone who can offer insight into our work and challenge our beliefs. We sign up for groups, add ourselves to lists, fill our calendars with coffee dates, and comb our friends’ friends for people who might add value to our world.
With so many people looking, why are so many failing?
I recently spoke to a very charming, engaging entrepreneur who attended an expertly planned conference. Top players in international policy dappled the schedule, and high-profile keynotes lectured every hour. From the get-go, testimonials gushed all of the wonderfulness of the event, and sign-up sheets offered prime opportunities for attendees to market their businesses. Yet a very eager impresario walked away feeling like something was missing. Despite an impeccable schedule, he didn’t feel he had the opportunity to connect with others.
Information gleaned from speakers is surely helpful, inspiring, informative, but what’s the most valuable aspect of an event? Relationships. Think about the expertise in the room, just waiting to be accessed.
Yes, it can be difficult to strum up conversations in professional environments. It isn’t easy to approach strangers and put yourself on the line. It’s hard to be vulnerable.
How often do you step outside of your comfort zone?
What if you found yourself in a situation in which you didn’t know what to expect? You’re not sure who is going to be there, what you’re getting yourself into. Would the connections be different?
What if the only thing you knew is that you wanted to take something meaningful from the experience? What if you approached your life that way?
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Jumping is scary. Do it anyway.
As a young woman, I hitchhiked alone and traveled across many countries. I went head-to-head with lawyers and counseled delinquents. I earned a masters from an ivy-league, received a state license, and wrangled my way into an entirely new industry. I directed and designed and produced successful events, facilitating valuable connections between people who otherwise might not have met. But it wasn’t enough.
I needed more experience. I wanted more connections. I didn’t have enough knowledge. I wasn’t ready. And if I’m entirely honest, I didn’t think I was enough. (Turns out, I was wrong. I just needed to jump.)
I know I’m not the only one. Everyday I talk to entrepreneurs, corporate executives, and artists who struggle to take the first leap into the unknown.
…It’s not the right time…I don’t have the resources…I can’t find the time…I’m worried about money…
We do this to ourselves. We sabotage our dreams. We’re afraid. Deep down, we know that if we put our mind to it, we have the capabilities to break our biggest goals into manageable, digestible chunks. But we over-chew. We convince ourselves the path we’ve been traveling on, the one we’ve been walking down for some time, is the safest and best option. We lower the height of our own sky and the limits to which we’re capable of flying. We lull ourselves into forgetting the sweet deliciousness of new experiences.
Fortunately, it’s never too late. It is just a matter of making that decision. You must choose. Nothing will happen until you decide to venture away from the safe waters into territory where there is no rulebook, no play-by-play. While you can find leaders and teachers and people whose experiences might mimic your own (and it is imperative that you do), there is no “on the job training.” It’s up to you to figure it out.
Sometimes the hardest thing is recognizing what you want. The next hardest is to begin. By recognizing there’s no prescribed way to land that dream job, dream family, dream life, we open ourselves to an entirely new world. A world that is uniquely ours to create.
Dare yourself. Set goals and work backwards. Plan checkpoints along the way and reward yourself when you reach them. Gather information, collect the necessary experiences, and confidently step in the direction of your dreams.
Don’t hold yourself back. If not for yourself, do it for the people around you. Show them what it looks like to lead a life that is uniquely yours, a life filled with magic and dreams and adventure. Jump.
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Trust
When what you do and what you say align.
A very real, tangible thing you must create between yourself and your clients.
It will separate you from your competition.
Distance yourself from the rest.
